Total Drama Porn Story: The Epic Journey – Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do
not own TDI.

Chapter 4: On The Water

Instead of a captain, there was a girl about Tyler’s height,
making her a little shorter than me, with chin-length brown hair with
blue streaks dyed into it, dark eyes, pale skin, Gothic clothing,
dark purple lipstick, black nail polish, and a delicate looking body.

In other words, there stood a certain classmate who had just
celebrated her fourteenth birthday and was my only real love interest
thus far, and her name was Gwen.

Gwen?! I asked.

Yeah, it’s me. She blushed.

How did you get here?

I tend to have an extremely boring life, so I eavesdropped on
your meeting thing with the principal and followed you. Instead of
coming here by plane, though, I tricked the real captain of this boat
into thinking that he got a free vacation and I took the boat here.

Nice, said Duncan.

Awesome, I said.

Now let’s escape, said Gwen.

The boat ride was cool until that night when a storm hit. The wind
created tons of turbulence and screwed up Gwen’s balance and
concentration. Duncan, Justin, and I had all taken a boating safety
course, but Duncan failed, so Justin and I took over trying to steer
the boat.

Meanwhile, Duncan took out a box of… well, I’m not sure exactly
what it was, probably random sweets… out of the cabinet and began
to eat. Is anyone else hungry?

Justin and I were too busy reading all the charts to answer him.

No, said Gwen.

Tyler didn’t answer, either.

Tyler, dude, you look sick again, said Duncan.

Tyler clamped his hand over his mouth and ran out on deck.

I empathize with Tyler, groaned Gwen.

Nerd, teased Duncan.

Gwen glared at him.

What? You used a big word!

Gwen rolled her eyes and sighed.

Meanwhile, the storm got even worse. It was practically impossible
to stand up.

I give up, whined Justin.

Me, too, I said. We sat down. Hopefully we could continue
navigating in the morning.

Gwen clamped her hand over her mouth and tried to run out on deck,
but because of all the turbulence, she fell and puked all over the
cabin instead. This caused Tyler to puke, which caused me to puke.
Stupid weak stomach.

Justin laughed evilly. Gwen is Little Barf Face 3!

Gwen gave him the middle finger. Duncan and I snickered. Ah,
revenge!

At about two o’clock A. M., the waves settled and everyone fell
asleep.

The next thing I knew, the sun was shining in through the cabin
windows and the boat was moving quickly. I woke everyone else up,
wondering why we were moving and where in the ocean we were.

Hang on a minute, said Gwen, a suspicious tone in her voice.
She left the cabin and came back five minutes later with a knowing
look on her face. We’re about two minutes away from Seattle and
the real captain is towing us in a motorboat.

Wow, it took you five whole minutes to get that? Girls are so
slow! Or at least you are, scoffed Duncan.

Gwen and I scowled at him and she replied, I was putting the info
in a nutshell to accommodate the limits of your pea-sized brain.

Duncan waved his middle finger in her face. What was it with those
two and the middle finger? At least it was funny when Gwen did it to
Justin.

Sure enough, two minutes later, we docked in Seattle. As we left
the boat, the captain gave us a piece of paper and told Gwen, You’re
a clever one, girlie.

Gwen flashed an awkward smile.

Once we were on the pier, Gwen read us the note. Your next clue
is contained in a fish along with enough neurotoxins to claim thirty
lives. Fishmonger knows who you are.

Neuro-what? asked a confused Tyler.

Neurotoxins. Poisons that harm the nervous system, I
explained.

Justin gave a loud cough that sounded like nerd boy.

What fish can kill thirty people? A shark? Aw, imagine all the
blood! exclaimed Duncan.

A fugu blowfish, replied Gwen.

A what? I asked.

A fugu blowfish, Gwen repeated.

How do you know so many random things? I wondered in awe.

I watch cartoons and run a lot of Google searches. Don’t ask.

I never knew how… enlightening cartoons were. Well, Gwen’s also
just really smart, but still.

Suddenly, a large pink blowfish sailed in our direction. Duncan
caught it.

Hey Gwen, is this your f*ck-you blowfish? he asked loudly.

We all snickered, and Gwen corrected him. It’s fugu, not
f*ck-you, genius!

Wow, Gwen! I should start calling you Princess Gwen; you’re
right up there with High Princess Courtney and Queen Heather of Bitch
Land, said Duncan.

Gwen looked offended and hung her head dejectedly. I seriously
considered punching Duncan where it hurts most on a guy, but then
Justin whined, Let’s get going! This humidity is bad for my
hair! Conceited brat.

Gwen took the blowfish from Duncan and examined it. Where in
here are we supposed to find another clue?

Tyler’s eyes lit up. I know! Check its mouth!

I was actually impressed. Gwen looked in the fish’s mouth and
confirmed that Tyler was right: a scroll was shoved down its throat.

Boo-yah! I rock! Who the man? Tyler the man! yelled Tyler,
pumping his fists.

Not so impressive. Gwen, Duncan, and I rolled our eyes as Justin
yelled at Tyler to shut up.

Okay, here goes, said Gwen, extracting the scroll. She
unrolled it. The next part of your journey awaits atop the Space
Needle.

We all looked up.

I guess it’ll be another jet, but I don’t see one, I said.
Let’s climb the Space Needle, then.

We climbed up all the stairs to the top of the Space Needle and
exited to the roof by way of a trapdoor. The next part of the
journey turned out to be four sets of climbing ropes and four
climbing harnesses.

One of us was going to have to climb back down the Space Needle and
somehow get home.

I’ll go back, sighed Gwen. I wasn’t supposed to come in
the first –

Before she could finish her sentence, Gwen slipped and fell off of
the Space Needle.

GWEN! I yelled, diving off after her. I caught her at some
point and our fall was stopped by the belay rope. For a few seconds
we just hung there, our faces about two feet from the ground.

Thanks. I really like you, said Gwen quietly.

I really like you, too, I replied.

Apparently, our annoying companions had also reached the ground,
because just then, Tyler whooped and yelled, Romance! Yeah!

Gwen cleared her throat. Uh, a bunch of ninjas with machine guns
just climbed over the fence that we had to jump off the Space Needle
to get over, and they’re following us.

Aw, crap! I yelled, scanning the area for a hiding place. I
noticed a truck with stacks of packages in it. In that truck!

We all dove into the truck. Soon, a worker came along and tossed a
massive box in. As it hit the other boxes, they fell in on my
companions and me.

Then, everything went black.

A/N:
I’m really getting into this story! Now that Trent, Gwen, and the
others have been knocked out by the falling boxes, what will happen
to them?