Total Drama Porn Story: The TDI Users Guide for DJ – Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don’t own TDI, TDA, DJ, or references.
Author’s Note: I’m really chewing through these User’s Guides, aren’t I? It helps that they’re short, easy to write, and I can just copy and edit previous user’s guides to make new ones…oops, I may have said too much…
THE USERS GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR
DJ
Copyright ChrisMaCleanisawesome Inc.
Greetings, dear customer. May I be the first to say you have made a very fine purchase in this DJ unit. Every single one of our customers has been satisfied with our DJ units, whether this is because of his cooking skills, his kindness, orcertain other reasons is unknown.
If you need instructions on how to maximize the utility of your DJ unit, check out the enclosed instruction book below.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
NAME: DJ Marley. We dont know if this is his real last name; we just wanted to crack a terrible pun.
TYPE: Fighting/Water
MANUFACTURERS: The best company ever, ChrisMaCleanisawesome Inc.
HEIGHT: 62
WEIGHT: 215 lbs
LENGTH: Erhemlets just say that he has rather large feet.
COLOR: Brown hair and EURGH! His eyes are DOTS! THEYRE FREAKY, MAN!
ACCESSORIES
Your DJ unit comes packed with a white yamaka even though he isnt Jewish, eighty shopping carts to push around, a ribbon and leotard, a BUNNY unit, a suit of armor, and a cup of Mama Spice. No other food is required, because your DJ unit will just sprinkle his Mama Spice on any available object to render it edible.
Upon receiving your DJ unit, it is strongly recommended that you convince him to face his fear of water and take a bath.
OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS
Your DJ unit is designed to run away screaming in response to most stimuli, especially if it is wearing a facemask. His controls are voice-activated and he will respond to commands in English and Jamaican.
Aside from not being Jewish and making everything taste better, your DJ unit has many more enjoyable uses.
Strength: Your DJ unit has the strength of a million and seventy men, so you really shouldnt complain. If you ever need to lift a truck or something, wed go with the DJ unit.
Bunnies!: Your DJ unit is so nice, even wild, ferocious animals will cuddle up to him! But hell just run away screaming from them all, except for bunnies. If youve always secretly wanted a pet bunny for free (lets be honest here; who hasnt?), the DJ unit is for you.
Ribbon Twirling: When youre in the mood to see something really lame, just dress up your DJ unit in his leotard to activate his RIBBON TWIRLING mode.
Breathing Underwater: If your DJ unit is sufficiently scared, he will be able to run and breathe underwater. Who needs scuba gear when youve got cartoon physics?
Secret Alliances: In fact, your DJ unit might be so popular, hell be asked to join a secret alliance to toughen him up. This may be of value to your DJ unit, depending on whos toughening him up.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
Your DJ unit has full compatibility with every TDI model, especially the BUNNY unit he comes with, and the DUNCAN, GEOFF, and OWEN units when GUYS ALLIANCE mode is activated.
PRECAUTIONS
Do not expose your DJ unit to anything scary, HEATHER units wearing facemasks, CHEF units, water, tall cliffs, snakes, or terrible food without Mama Spice on hand. Yes, were serious. And dont call him Shirley.
FAQ
Q: Why does my DJ unit insist on wearing a suit of armor before going on bike rides?
A: Oh dear! Your DJ unit mustve overheard someone discussing their bike-related injuries. Rush your DJ unit to a psychologist immediately.
Q: Why wont my DJ unit fall in love or make out with any of my female TDI character units?
A: Sorry, but your DJ unit will only be interested in females if you activate his FANON mode. Otherwise hell only care about Bunny.
Q: What is the square root of a flexnard?
A: The square root of a flexnard is a cupful of boogers. No seriously, ask us a question about DJ units next time. Sheesh!
Q: Why is my DJ unit making bunny sounds to his pet BUNNY unit? Why is he feeding it like a mother bird feeds her babies? ITS DISGUSTING!
A: That is completely normal.
TROUBLESHOOTING
Problem: My DJ unit keeps on insisting that I take his limited edition Raptors cards. But I hate basketball!
Solution: Your DJ unit will only do that when he believes that something will kill him soon. He wont die, but we recommend that you take the cards anyway; theyre worth some serious coin.
Problem: My DJ unit is normally such a pacifistbut now hes beating the crap out of my friend!
Solution: Your friend mustve insulted your DJ units mama for him to react that way. Tough break; now your DJ unit will never stop hurting your friend, no matter what he says. Our advice is to somehow convince your parents to move, so your friend doesnt suffer anymore.
Problem: My DJ unit is acting really, really weird. He says Super! a lot and just built me a pirate ship! I wanted a yacht!
Solution: That is not a DJ unit, it is a FRANKY unit. Please contact our sister company, MonkeyDLuffyisawesome Inc., for more info.
Problem: Guh, ah dun live near a lake
Solution: Get lost.
WARRANTY
Your DJ unit doesnt come with a warranty, because his Mama Spice will fix any damage he has accumulated.
FINAL NOTES
For any additional problems, call our help desk, beep our help desk, if you want to reach our help desk, who will be happy to serve you on every day except Christmas and August 12th. ChrisMaCleanisawesome Inc. is not legally responsible for any lawsuits, fines, arson, murders, suicides, misdemeanors, felonies, or any other bad stuff caused by your DJ unit.
We at ChrisMaCleanisawesome Inc. sincerely hope that you enjoy your DJ unit. Suckeroops, did we say that aloud?
Author’s Notes: Yup, the One Piece reference is for Kobold Necromancer to enjoy. I don’t watch it, though, so don’t kill me if it’s wrong.
Next I’ll probably do…I dunno, Katie and Sadie? I could do a two for one gimmick for them…